A City Lost

The city to which i had awoken was cold.

I have this feeling of being mysteriously preserved for ages. The scenes here are so familiar. I wonder if I had been here before. I wonder why I am here. I wonder who I am. I feel like I had been asleep for so long.

I strolled along Street 3 a week ago. It was where I first grasped a hint of what could have been my life before my slumber. The memory was vague. The images were severely distorted. The scenes flashed very fast. For a moment I was stunned by the overwhelming flood of sounds, pictures, emotions and intuitions. I saw weeping. There was Smoke. I saw pain and suffering. I saw a curse. I decided to sit for a while in the sidewalk. Maybe to compose myself. I sat there longer than I intended and it was from that rest that I was able to examine the City.

I heard this city is fortunate. No life exists beyond its barriers. For the first time I noticed how Smoke had covered the Heavens. Light is dim everywhere in the City, save the houses and buildings where light bulbs shine brightly. I saw sorrow in the smiles of the people who passed by. I saw weakness. I saw fear.

Children are lonely in the City. Mannequins watch after them while their parents work hard whole day. I saw some children chase a little puppy, shooting it with strange-looking toy guns. The puppy shrieked as it limped hopelessly from the children. It fell down, still crawling away for its life. Then suddenly, it gave a long whine, with which some of the children shuddered. It convulsed. It choked and the whine slowly ceased. Finally, the poor creature stopped moving, its eyes falling on me, as if it knew I was there watching the cruel torture. I trembled. The puppy’s long whine continued to reverberate in my ears. It clouded the noise of the City. It clouded the peals of vicious laughs that followed. Every sound faded except for the puppy’s moan as it struggled for its life. Then the Mannequins took the children home.

It was on my way home that I met Venus. She was irresistible. One would rarely find a woman of such beauty and wits. We talked, and on that day, became good friends. We enjoyed each other's company. It was from the conversations we had that I discovered one of the most unusual things in this city. One day, while we were talking, she showed me an odd-looking syringe. She said it is called a RLXNSHP Apparatus. It is used to get LV. I was examining the Apparatus when she said she likes me. It was quick. Nevertheless, it was sweetly said. I was dumbfounded. It took me some time to decide on what my reply would be. I struggled, and finally, said I like her too. She smiled. It was very lovely. Then she took my hand, and injected the Apparatus. She said that with that, I can give her my LV. It didn’t really hurt. In fact, it was even a bit tickling. A clear fluid slowly filled the Apparatus, and when it was full, the fluid crystallized into a beautiful gem-like candy. That was my LV, Venus said. It was beautiful. Then she ate it. She said the Apparatus would continually drain my LV. She also injected an Apparatus in her hand. We were supposed to exchange our LV, according to her.

LV is an unknown matter produced by the body when exposed to the Sun. Since time immemorial, people had been working hard to discover its composition. What it is. How it can be created. Unfortunately, none was successful. I learned it is a commodity in this city. People are actually buying it in the market. LV is said to be a precious drug. It is a powerful stimulant. Its effects are ecstatic. It improves health. It brings happiness, peace and warmth. It comforts. It satisfies the soul. It is simply magical. It is given to orphans, to the sick, to those who are in pain, to those in sorrow. Everybody wants it. Venus said many are actually abusing the RLXNSHP Apparatus to get LV. Years ago, only adults possessed it. Now, even the younger generations are using it. They just can’t live without it. They just can’t live without LV.

Children are lonely because they aren’t allowed to use the Apparatus and they don’t get to eat enough LV. Children who grow without eating enough LV have less LV in their bodies when they grow. Mannequins cannot give enough LV to children. Children are supposed to be given LV from their mommies and daddies. But some mommies and daddies also grew without eating enough LV, and so their bodies could hardly give it. Besides, the Sun doesn't shine much in the City.

In the market, many women sell LV. Men take them home, and there, inject them. They use another form of Apparatus. Something more corrupt. The men end up eating Corrupt LV, and women end up broken. That is how things are in this city.

It took some days for me to notice that Venus’ Apparatus drained slower than mine. I concluded she also grew without eating much LV. My LV drained fast, and I ate less. Slowly, I felt more and more empty. I became more restless each day. Then one day, I became just like the others: sad, scared and empty. A day came when the Apparatus drained the same amount of LV from us, and we ate the same amount of LV a day. Things became hard for us because we both wanted more. My LV wasn’t enough to satisfy Venus. The Apparatus drained me half empty of LV . And then, I wanted more out of her. Both of us felt empty then. I started going to the market. She started eating the Corrupt LV I consumed. Then our lives sank into utter misery.

Then yesterday. I broke the RLXNSHP Apparatus. She also broke hers. She was in tears. I decided to leave. I was walking down Street 3 when I saw something I never noticed before. The sight broke my heart. I took one last glimpse of my old place I shared with Venus. I continued walking, hoping someday I could go back, and finally, have enough LV inside me to fill her.

The place was still as cold as ever. Still, the sun wasn't shining. All over the street scattered piles of broken RLXNSHP Apparatus.

Porn Nga!

April 3, 2009

Sino ba'ng mag-aakala na pag open ko sa computer ay porn agad ang sasalubong sa'kin?

>:] Pag sineswerte ka nga naman.
O:[ 'Wag Joshua, masama 'yan.

♂ Bad ang porn. So dapat ko sabihing, I hate porn?

O:] Exactly.
>:[ Isang kasinungalingan! Minsan lang naman. Ang konting lason ay hindi nakamamatay!

♂ Kung sa bagay. Pero ba't ako titikim ng poison, by the way?

>:] Thrill ang tawag jan baby, thrill! Bigyan mo naman ng konting sigla ang buhay!
O:[ Wag ka magpapaloko dyan, oh no!

♂ Syanga pala. 'Lam nio ba bat may porn dito?

>:] Biyaya ang tawag jan boy.
O:[ Yan ay isa lamang pagsubok sa katatagan ng iyong loob at pananampalataya!

♂ Marupok ako ngayon.

>;] Tikim na!

♂ Uhmmm...I can't make up my mind.

>:] Follow your heart.

♂ Minsan lang naman diba?

>:] Minsan lang. So mag extend ka pa pagkatapos. Minsan lang naman kaya lubusin mo na.

♂ 'Lanakong pera.

>:] Utang! Hmm... Wait. No. Bad idea. Wag kang umutang. Mag pray ka na lang.

♂ Angel, 'ala ka nang advice?

+ + +

Nakuha ko na ang grado ko sa English 2. Medyo hindi ako satisfied, pero hindi rin naman kasi ako masyado nag effort tulad ng iba, kaya tama lang siguro yun. Ang huling book na binasa ko ay Love is a Choice. Tungkol ito sa codependenct relationships. Magandang book para sa isang katulad ko na nagbabalak mag BSPsychology.

Iiwan ko na ang Engineering. Boring kasi masyado ang math, at parang mababaliw ako habang nagkaklase. Nung isang departmental exam nga namin, talagang todo kantyaw sakin yung isa kong kasama sa bahay. Ako ang last natapos saming lahat, pero sabi niya, malinaw daw na wala akong sagot. "Nakatunganga ka lang naman. Wala ka man lang sinusulat." Talaga naman. Pero okay narin, pumasa na naman ako sa math. Kahit papaano. Haha!

+ + +

Sino bang mag-aakala na may manonood ng porn dito?

+ + +

I believe love is a choice. It is a voluntary action. Love is a commitment. Loving is a responsiblity din para sakin. Minsan -

O;) Sabihin mo na ang totoo...

Okay - madalas pala. Madalas, baliktad ang paraan ng pag love ko. Siguro naman hindi ako nag-iisa. Ang loving para sa akin minsan ay getting benefits. Kaya siguro madalas ay nag aaway ang mga taong nagmamahalan. Madalas kasi, mas inuuna natin ang sarili nating nararamdaman. Ang immature na pag seselos ay pagiging selfish. Why not let her enjoy her life? Sa halip na tinatago ko siya sa tailor-made kong mundo, why not let her explore a better world? Kung gusto niya pumunta dun, okay. Kung gusto niya gawin to, why not? Hindi ko naman sinasabing walang limitations ang gusto niyang gawin. Pero mahalaga din na malaya siya.

Maganda ang example na binigay ng book. Isipin na lang natin na ballet dancers ang couple. Dapat may unity. Dapat may understanding. Pero ang unity at pagiging sabay sa pagsayaw ay hindi makakamit sa pamamagitan ng pagtali sa dalawang dancers. Sa unang tingin, tama lang naman na itali sila. Unity naman diba? Pero mali ito. Sa codependent relationships, natatali ang dalawa. Sometimes, even the slightest movement can cause an unwanted effect to the other. Hindi sila makakasayaw ng mabuti. Unstable ang kanilang position. Madaling matumba.

Minsan, pag may ibang lalaki na kinausap ang girl maglalasing na ang boy. Minsan, pag may pinuntahan ang girl, nagagalit na ang boy. Maraming beses ko na rin nasubukan to. Madalas, sinasabi na lang na masyado akong sensitive. Ngayon, siguro masasabi kong mali ang paraan ko sa pag'love'. Maraming masamang effects ang codependency. Matindi ang impact nito sa relationship. Ang maganda dito, madali makita ang symptoms nito. Madaling madali. Ang mahirap ay ang pag treat dito. Ang recovery ay medyo mahirap, pero kaya naman. Gusto ko pa sana na maglagay ng mas marami pa dito. Pero ayoko na. Kapagod kaya mag type. Haha!

+ + +

O:) Time nah!

HAHA!

Masarap Daw ang Bawal;)

Interesting ang Porn. Interesting ang statistics. Pero mas marami pa palang mas interesting na pwede malaman...

- - - - - - - - - - -

Internet Pornography Statistics

Pornographic websites - 4.2 million (12% of total websites)
Pornographic pages - 420 million
Daily pornographic search engine requests - 68 million (25% of total search engine requests)
Daily pornographic emails - 2.5 billion (8% of total emails)
Internet users who view porn - 42.7%
Received unwanted exposure to sexual material - 34%
Average daily pornographic emails/user - 4.5 per Internet user
Monthly Pornographic downloads (Peer-to-peer) - 1.5 billion (35% of all downloads)
Daily Gnutella "child pornography" requests - 116,000
Websites offering illegal child pornography - 100,000
Sexual solicitations of youth made in chat rooms - 89%
Youths who received sexual solicitation - 1 in 7 (down from 2003 stat of 1 in 3)
Worldwide visitors to pornographic web sites - 72 million visitors to pornography: Monthly
Internet Pornography Sales - $4.9 billion

Children Internet Pornography Statistics
Average age of first Internet exposure to pornography - 11 years old
Largest consumer of Internet pornography - 35 - 49 age group
15-17 year olds having multiple hard-core exposures - 80%
8-16 year olds having viewed porn online - 90% (most while doing homework)
7-17 year olds who would freely give out home address - 29%
7-17 year olds who would freely give out email address - 14%
Children's character names linked to thousands of porn links - 26 (Including Pokemon and Action Man)

Adult Internet Pornography Statistics
Men admitting to accessing pornography at work - 20%
US adults who regularly visit Internet pornography websites - 40 million
Promise Keeper men who viewed pornography in last week - 53%
Christians who said pornography is a major problem in the home - 47%
Adults admitting to Internet sexual addiction - 10%
Breakdown of male/female visitors to pornography sites 72% male - 28% female

Women and Pornography
Women keeping their cyber activities secret - 70%
Women struggling with pornography addiction - 17%
Ratio of women to men favoring chat rooms - 2X
Percentage of visitors to adult websites who are women - 1 in 3 visitors
Women accessing adult websites each month - 9.4 million
Women admitting to accessing pornography at work - 13%
Women, far more than men, are likely to act out their behaviors in real life, such as having multiple partners, casual sex, or affairs.




...........

Ginagawa ko ngayon ang research paper ko para sa English 2 - at tungkol ito sa porn. At totoo - napakainteresting nito. Haha!

Ang Batang Hindi Madala-dala

"One day, a Boy saw a beautiful bird. He wanted the bird to be his pet and so he chased it. It was an endless chase - a futile effort of running after something he knew he could never have. People are sometimes like that. They chase after things they know they could never have. It's vanity. Nevertheless, he continued. He kept running until unknowingly, he drifted deep into the forest, lost and alone. Sometimes, there are things that are just too hard to let go. For the Boy, the bird was everything.

"By and by, their distance became so great that the Boy lost sight of his bird. It was so hard to give up. He came that far just to have that little pet. He wanted to run, but his legs grew tired of all that running, and his heart grew too heavy for him to go on. He fell, and his thirst and exhaustion told him it was impossible to rise again.

"The night came and darkness filled the forest. It was very cold and there was nothing to comfort the Boy. He tried to stand and carry on his journey in pain, but it was too cold, and too dark. It was a hopeless journey to nowhere. The Boy wanted to end it all but there was no way he could end it, and there was nothing for him to do but to go on.

"Then on his way, there was something he met, and it gave a new meaning to his sorrows. On a large leaf, he saw a Moth. She wasn't a very lovely moth, but she was interesting, and there was something wonderful about her that the Boy cannot comprehend, and he wanted to make the Moth his pet. The Boy crept among the bushes and slowly made his way to the Moth, and fortunately, the Moth didn't seem to discover his presence because she didn't fly away. This made the Boy happy. The Moth wasn't like his bird. She didn't fly away.

"The Moth was very surprised when the Boy appeared among the bushes. The Boy caught the Moth in his hands and he held her happily.

"The Boy asked the Moth: 'What are you doing here in this time of the night my little Moth?'

"The Moth was very scared, but still, she didn't fly away. She replied: 'The Spider deceived me.' And she burst into desperate sobs. She added: 'The Spider lured me into his web. Then he trapped me, and tried to kill me.' Then she added very softly: 'I was very lucky to escape him.'

"The Boy felt sad for the Moth: 'He was such a nasty Spider to deceive a wonderful Moth like you. In our place, many people are like that. I don't know why they love hurting others.' And the Moth smiled, and was comforted by the Boy's presence. She wanted to be with him, and unknowingly, the Boy also wanted to be with her for she also lightened the Boy's heart, and both of them healed each other's pain.

"They kept on talking and time flew so fast, until the Sun's rays came, and they were saved from the darkness and cold. The Sun was coming and I know I had to go. But I didn't leave. The Sun wasn't there yet - only his rays. Then when the rays shone upon them, the Boy saw that the Moth's wings were still entangled with the Spider's web, and if it would not be removed she would not be able to fly and her wings would be broken. So the Boy patiently disentangled her wings, and she felt good.

"Then suddenly, the Boy's hands swelled and it was very painful. The Boy had learned from school that some moths protect themselves through a special kind of powder in their wings which either poison or hurt their predators. He knew it caused the pain, but still he continued. She loved the Moth, and he wanted her wings to be free.

"The Moth saw the Boy's pain, and she realized it was because of her powder. She never thought it could hurt the Boy. But yes, it did. She wanted to relieve him from his pains but she couldn't. She couldn't control the powder. There are some things we could never change even if we try very hard. Sometimes, there are things we don't want in ourselves that we want to remove, but we could never take away.

"The Moth cried bitterly, for it was all that she could do. She was sorry for the Boy, but there was nothing she could do. They never wanted to stay apart though they hurt so much.

"I wanted to know what happened to the Boy and his Moth but the Sun came and so I had to go. I wish I'd see them again."

There was silence after the Moon stopped talking. The fairy didn't say anything. The fairy's silence bothered the Moon so she asked the fairy: "Is there anything wrong?"

The Little Fairy replied: "I want to chase something I know I could never have - maybe - i don't know. I want to try. Maybe I could have it. I want to believe I could have it. It is vanity, I know. Don't be upset my Moon. I think I'm also lost. I don't know where I am going. The Boy ran after the bird although it was impossible for him to catch it. It was vanity indeed - but luckier was he than me." Then the fairy paused for a moment. She added: "He was lucky he had something to run after and to run for. I'm not like him."

"What do you mean Little Fairy? What is it that you want to chase?"

The fairy didn't answer the Moon's question. She had fallen asleep.


- o 0 o -

The Tasaday

Tasaday Before Dafal Came
Pre-mid-1900s



The story of the Tasaday begins at an unknown time past--perhaps 200 years ago--when, ancestoral stories say, people fled a deadly epidemic disease (cholera, smallpox, measles?) and hid in a vast, uncharted rainforest of south central Mindanao, Philippines. The people believed everyone left behind died of the terrible scourge, which was known to their ancestors as a killing wind called “fugu.” Only those in the deep forest survived, they believed, vowing never to return to the fatal north. The survivors came to regard the forest as the entire world and themselves as the only people on earth.

The people formed into separate groups that established residences at places they called Tasafeng, Sanduka, and Tasaday. The people at Tasaday had a complex of three caves in the side of a forested mountain that became their home base. Below the caves flowed a stream where they gathered tiny fish, crabs, tadpoles, and frogs. In the surrounding forest they foraged for roots, fruits, mushrooms and other foods. They made fire with a wooden drill, clothing of leaves, and tools from stone, wood, and bone.

Marriage within a group was forbidden, so women married into one of the other groups; men stayed in place. Life went on in this way for several generations; the forest became home as far back in time as any Tasaday could remember.

Each group usually numbered about 30--too few to be a tribe or band--and stayed in their part of the forest, where they gathered food and firewood, leaves for clothing, stones for tools.

Over time these people became part of the environment and did not damage or change it. Later, an ethnobotanist who studied the Tasaday said they appeared to have lived “as close to nature as any people known in modern times--in a symbiotic relationship between the people, plants and terrestrial animals.”

They satisfied their subsistence needs with a few hours of work each day and spent the rest of the time with their families, talking, playing with children, making tools, swinging on vines, splashing in a waterfall. Life was good, perhaps reflecting the “original affluent society,” as described by one scholar of the Stone Age.

But life was also difficult--infection and injuries, sickness and old age eventually touched everyone. Death would come to each one. A dying person was taken into the forest by close relatives so the failing person would not die in the caves, where the departing soul could lure away souls of the living. The Tasaday believed in a great spirit--above the other spirits that resided in the forest--who could send wind and rain and lightning, or even illness or death--for violating certain rules. The spirit also sent great blessings--the always dry caves, delicious food, the waterfall, and much more.

Life played out in this way for---nobody knows how long... several generations? Two centuries? And then a mysterious stranger came into the Tasaday’s lives. . . . [more...]


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Gumagawa ako ng project sa History 3 (History of Filipino Muslims and Lumads) ko nang bigla akong mapadpad sa page nato. Fascinating masyado kung paano namuhay ng ganito kasimple ang mga Tasaday, at kung paano sila naka survive sa isang mundong sa tingin ng iba ay hopeless na. Siguro, kung ako ang nasa kalagayan nila, patay nako. Iniisip ko pa lang na walang bigas ay parang nahihilo na'ko. Alam ko kung gaano kahirap ang walang bigas syempre. Minsan, katulad ngayon, late dumating ang allowance na inaasahan ko. Lalong mahirap iimagine kung ang ilalagay sa pwesto ng mga Tasaday ay ang mga kakilala kong mga pasosyal. Karamihan nga sa kanila, hindi nga ata kaya magluto ng kanin, o mag-ihaw ng manok. Naalala ko tuloy yung proect naming bahay-kubo nung 3rd year high school na hindi bahay ang itsura. Umiinit na nga ang ulo ko pag wala akong mahagilap na kutsilyo habang nagluluto - pano kaya kung katulad ng mga Tasaday, bato lang ang ginagamit ko? Isang kasama ko sa boarding house and hindi raw gumagamit ng Safeguard pang-ligo - ayon sa kanya, pwet lang daw ang dapat ginagamitan nun. Pano kung isang araw, sumiklab ang World War III, at lahat ng supermarket, mawala. Pano kung tuluyang mag breakdown ang trade at industry, at kahit saan ka pumunta, wala ka nang mabilhan ng bigas, noodles, Century Tuna, o pancit canton? Pero, sa tingin ko, kung may mga taong matulad sa mga Tasaday, hindi rin naman siguro sila mawawala na lang ng ganun. Siyempre, kahit mahirap mag-adapt, alam ko naman na master talaga sa pag-aadjust sa mahihirap na sitwasyon ang Homo sapiens. Merong ibang hindi makaka-susurvive, pero marami din namang iba na makakaya ang hamon ng kahirapan - survival of the fittest - nasa Biology ko yan nung high school.

Pano kung tuluyan nang madeplete ang oil sa mundo? Isipin mo, Pag wala nang oil, wala nang gagamitin ang mga pabrika, pagawaan at planta - wala nang de lata, wala nang Meralco, wala nang RRJ, Penshoppe, wala nang Avon, Natasha, Islander, Nokia, Samsung, iPod, PC, PSP, etc... Peak oil ang tawag dito. Sinasabi ng ibang ang Peak oil ay narating na natin - ibig sabihin, mula sa panahong naabot yun forward, unti-unti nang mauubos ang oil reserves ng mundo. Hindi ba masyadong nakaka-alarma? Heto:

Within the energy profession there are groups (e.g., ASPO, ASPO-USA) grappling with the challenge of "Peak Oil." While the efforts of Al Gore and others have raised awareness of the threat of global warming, society is not in any way prepared for the imminent decline in global oil production.

In the near term, declining production will impact certain countries more than others. Cantarell, the largest field in the western hemisphere, is declining rapidly. Over the next couple of years, Mexico's economy will be hard-hit.

Without imports, the USA's domestic oil reserves would be exhausted in three years at the current rate of consumption. The Oil War option is losing favor. Technological breakthroughs will be too slow and voluntary conservation will be too shallow to avert widespread disruption of economic activity, especially transportation and consequently food. Lacking the political will to make conscious, rapid, drastic changes, Americans will be subjected to Mother Nature's adjustments; She did not negotiate with the Mayor of New Orleans; nor will She negotiate the American Way of Life when Saudi Arabia's Ghawar field collapses of its own accord.

Liquid fuel substitutes (tar sands, coal-to-liquids, oil shale, surprisingly even ethanol and biodiesel) are carbon intensive and will only exacerbate global warming. Plus they cannot be scaled up on a timely basis.

It would take one new nuclear power plant every week until 2050 to fill the oil gap. Minor detail, uranium shortages would emerge long before 2050, unless as yet unproven breeder reactors come on line soon.

While it will take time, direct conversion of solar radiation to electricity (photovoltaics and concentrating solar power) can be scaled up. One viable sustainable alternative also exists for repetitive travel (e.g., commuting -- more than half of all urban transport). It is the rapid build-out of solar powered electric vehicles on fixed guideways (the "podcar"). A continuous solar array, well within the width of the guideway, is sufficient to provide 100% of the power required for this efficient form of high capacity transit. [more...]

Alam ba ng karamihan sa ating mga pulitiko ang problemang ito? Alam ba ito ng karamihan sa ating mga mag-aaral sa kolehiyo? Busy ako saking love-life at student life, at mas masarap mag DOTA kaysa makisawsaw sa problemang ito - ok, I'm doomed. Ganyan naman talaga kadalasan ang marami sa atin. Wala tayong pakialam sa iba - ang importante lang ay maganda ang damit natin, may load tayo, steak ang ulam, malambot ang kama, hearthrob ang boyfriend... Wala ngang programa ang presidente ng Pilipinas na inaddress sa problemang ito o para iinform man lang ang karamihan sa kanyang mga mamamayan. Sorry Philippines, malapit na bumagsak ang Modern Civilization - at wala kang alam ni katiting. Nalaman ko ang Peak Oil mula kay Dr. Floro Quibuyen, professor sa UPD, sa isang lecture na binigay niya sa whole-day seminar namin last semester para sa History 1. Maganda ang pagkaka-deliver niya ng kanyang speech, at naisip ko ngang maghukay sa likod-bahay para maghanap ng probable oil reserve sa lugar namin. Kaunti lang ang nilagay kong info dito. Marami pa sa net, at mas maiintindihan pa siguro kaysa sa sinasabi ko dito.

"MY ANALYSIS, BASED ON GEOLOGICAL ESTIMATES OF THE TOTAL WORLD RESOURCE OF PETROLEUM, SUGGESTS THAT WORLD PETROLEUM PRODUCTION WILL PEAK AROUND THE YEAR 2004 AND THEREAFTER WILL START ITS INEVITABLE DECLINE TOWARD ZERO."

- Albert Barlett

Anyway, dapat siguro, kausapin ko na ang mga Tasaday para maturuan na nila ako ng "Secrets of Survival", at rest assured, ilalagay ko rin ang mga bago kong malalaman dito sa blog ko -kung may oil pa sa panahong iyon. HAHAHA!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sources:
The Tasaday and the Friends of the Tasaday - http://www.tasaday.com/
Hubbert Peak of Oil Production - http://www.hubbertpeak.com/

Thank you for providing these information. Sorry sa mga pangalan na di na dapat ilagay dito, pero inilagay ko parin. Pakiusap, 'wag nyo po akong ipakulong. Hehe...





...

Ang Fairy na Walang Fairy

On a cliff not too far away from here, you would find an old tree overlooking the great blue sea. And on one of its long and sturdy branches, the Little Fairy made its little home.

The Little fairy was a very cheerful creature. Her dress was made of fine silk, and was sparkling all over with different gems and crystals; her hair was gold and curly; her skin was soft and delicate, and was white as pearl; her eyes were bright and friendly; her voice was sweet and tender; and her blue wings glowed in such a lovely luster. During the day, she would play with the butterflies, and would sing for them, and would help them gather juice from the sweet-scented wild-flowers of the meadow. When the sun begins to set, she would bid her friends goodbye, and would fly as fast as she could to her branch. Then, she would sit comfortably on its end, and patiently wait for the Moon.

Every night, the Moon would tell the Little Fairy stories from the other side of the great blue sea, especially about men - for many humans lived there, but not on the side of the great blue sea where the Little Fairy lives.

The Moon greeted her friend with a gentle smile on her face: "Hello, Little Fairy."

The Little Fairy was so delighted to see the Moon. She replied: "Oh! Hello Moon. Look how lovely you are tonight!" The Moon blushed with her compliment. She was such a sweet little fairy.

The Moon asked: "What story would you love to hear tonight my dear little friend? The treasures of the world's great kingdoms? The beautiful princesses in their gowns of many colors? The little children who sing at the cathedrals? Tell me little friend, and you shall hear it."

The Little Fairy thought for a moment, and suddenly, sadness seemed to take over her countenance.

"Dear Moon, I know you have traveled far, and have seen much of this world, whether here in this side of the great blue sea, or the other side, which is to me a world of mystery. Now, dear Moon, there is something that troubles me, and I want this to leave me so I may go to bed at peace. May I ask you a question?"

This worried the Moon, and she replied: "Why, of course my dear, you may."

The Little Fairy's eyes went bright and enthusiasm sparkled in them:
"Are there any fairies at the other side of the great blue sea?"

The fairy's question surprised the Moon: "But Oh! Why would my Little Fairy ask such a needless question!" for she was afraid to tell her she hadn't seen any yet.

The Moon's reaction saddened the fairy all the more.

"This morning, I saw two butterflies in the field. They gathered juice together; drank together; played together; and the boy sang to the girl. Their playing and laughing seemed to irritate some of the butterflies, although many were also fond of it."

The Moon listened attentively to the Little Fairy's story, for butterflies had always caught her fancy. Butterflies often do not go out by night - moths do - and if the butterflies do go out, their colors are not as bright as they might have been during the day. Furthermore, butterflies seldom play at night so the story of the two butterflies really interested her. She never thought that butterflies also play like humans do especially at night when she glows beautifully against the dark star-filled sky.

The Little Fairy added:
"The girl blushed. Then, when they noticed we were watching them, they seemed to feel awkward, and left. I followed them because interestingly, watching them made me happy - and I do not know why." And the fairy bowed her head so the Moon wouldn't see her sadness.

In her softest voice, she added:
"They flew too fast for me to catch up." Then she gave a deep sigh.

There was pain in her that the Moon couldn't understand.

The fairy continued: "I only play with the butterflies. That's why. If a fairy, comes to play with me, eat with me, and sing to me, maybe I would know why the butterflies made me happy." Then the fairy became silent, and though she hid her face, the Moon felt her sadness nevertheless, and she also fell into a deep silence. And loneliness filled the air as her soft light shone bitterly all throughout the night.

Bato-bato sa Langit

9:00 ng gabi sa Baryo Madilim

Nasa waiting shed si Colgate kasama ang barkada. Kanina'y malakas ang tawanan nila, ngunit bigla-bigla lang naging tahimik ang grupo nang magsimula nang gumapang ang kanilang usapan sa mga bagay na dapat ay binubulong lang. Napakagandang gabi, nasabi ni Colgate sa kanyang sarili. Ang malamig na hangin ay may halong kiliti habang marahan itong umiihip. Ang madilim na larawan ng tambayan ay may dalang pananabik. Ang boses ng mga dalagang nasa harap niya; ang kanilang mga mapanuksong ngiti na tila ba nanghahalina; ang mga mata nilang nangungusap na para bang tinatawag ang kaluluwa niyang uhaw sa pagkalinga; ang mga bulungan nilang nilulunod sa mga tanong at misteryo ang isip niyang masayang naglalaro sa di maipaliwanag na kahibangan; at ang nakalalasing na bango nila - lahat ng mga ito ay mahigpit na nakayakap sa puso niyang ibig na sumabog sa sobrang kasabikan. Di mapigilan ni Colgate ang mapatingin kay Angel. Madalas siyang napapasulyap dito, at ang mga nakaw-tinging ito ay hindi nalingid sa kaalaman ng dalaga. Napakatamis ng mga sulyap na ito para kay Angel sapagkat mula sa mga ito ay nararamdaman niya ang di maitagong paghanga ng binata sa kanya. Panghanga't pagnanasa. Nilalasap ni Angel ang pakiramdam ng pagiging kaakit-akit. Maya-maya pa'y nagtitinginan na sila sa mata. Sa mga tinginang ito'y tila mayroon silang sariling mundo kung saan malaya silang nag-uusap. Medyo lasing na si Colgate, pero okay pa ang takbo ng isip niya. Matagal malasing ang mga gago pag may bebot sa tabi. Bawal malasing. Ang mawala sa katinuan, di makaka-jackpot. Tahimik masyado ang grupo. Out of place na si Edward. Tumayo si Arnel habang dahan-dahang sumunod si Kyla. Sumunod tumayo sina Bernie at Jedz. Lima na lang sila sa waiting shed. Si Angel na lang ang babae. Maya-maya'y tumayo na si Colgate. Tila nahihiyang sumunod si Angel. Napakagandang gabi.

Sabay silang naglalakad ng biglang mag-beep ang cellphone ni Colgate. Sa tunog nito'y parang nawala ang kapangyarihan ng alkohol. Bigla siyang pinagpawisan. Kinabahan. Pilit niyang nilabanan ang kamay niya, subalit kusa nitong dinukot ang cellphone mula sa bulsa at binuksan ang message:

"hon?asan k na?x0riT__T bati na tau:("

"P#tang ina." Nasambit ni Colgate.

Nabigla si Angel sa narinig: "Huh?" Di makapagsalita si Colgate. "Anong problema?"

Ilang saglit pa, at sa wakas ay nakapag-ipon siya ng katinuan upang magsalita: "Ah..uhh-wala...tayo na.."

- o 0 o -

3 missed calls

Nanghihina pa si Colgate. Wala na si Angel. Sa tabi niya'y nakita niya ang kanyang cellphone. No space for new messages, pero lahat ng mga texts na natanggap niya ay nabuksan na.

"Walangyang buhay. Bwisit."

Nagbihis siya. Lumabas. Nahihilo pa, pero nagdesisyon na siyang umuwi. Napakasarap sa pakiramdam ng mainit na sinag ng araw. Habang naglalakad siya'y para bang dahan-dahang nagbalik ang lakas niya. Malapit na siya sa kanila nang bigla siyang tumigil sa paglalakad. Sinalubong siya ni Jessica.

"Ano." Tanong ni Colgate habang binibiisan ang paglalakad na para bang umiiwas.

"San ka kagabi? Nag-alala ako sa'yo."

"Anong pake mo?"

"Sorry."

Bakas sa mga mata ni Jessica ang kanyang pag-iyak. Langya, nasa isip ni Colgate.

"Ano bang problema? Pwede wag mo na'kong ginugulo? Pinapahirapan mo lang sarili mo! T@ng ina!" Di makapagsalita si Jessica, subalit ang di niya masabi ay ipinahiwatig ng kanyang mga luha. "Sorry na." Parang gustong sumabog ng puso ni Cogate sa sobrang kirot. Napakaganda niya kahit umiiyak.

"Sinasayang mo buhay mo sa'kin..."

Tumakbo papaalis si Colgate. Pilit itinago ang mga luhang pilit hinahanap ang daan palabas sa mga mata niya. Hindi nakita ni Jessica ang pagpatak ng mga ito. T#ng ina. Shit.

- o 0 o -

"G@go!!!" Napalingon sila Colgate. Boses yun ni Edward. "Pare!! AAhHH!!! Pare!!!" Nagtakbuhan ang magbabarkada. Maya-maya pa'y may ginugulpi na sila. Dumami ang mga tao sa paligid. Inawat sila, at sa ilang sandali'y nasa loob na ng prisinto sila Colgate, Arnel, at Bernie.

"Langya pare, tayo pa'ng nahuli." Hindi makapagsalita si Arnel. Sa tinagal-tagal ng pagiging lasenggo't ulol niya, doon lang siya minalas ng ganun. Marami silang pasa sa mukha. Mukhang mayaman ang inupakan nila. Lagot.

"Pare, mas mabuti pa nag shabu na lang ako sa'min, erpat ko lang gugulpi sakin dun."

"T@#g ina, wag kang mag-alala 'nel, pagdating mo sa inyo, magugulpi ka rin ng erpat mong gago."

"Sarap. Doble-dobleng sakit sa katawan. Langya."

May kotseng nag-park sa harap ng presinto. Nagulat si Colgate sa nakita niyang lumabas dito.

"Jessica..." Nabulong niya. Di na siya nakapagsalita pa.

"Langya pare, utol yun ni Jessica."

- o 0 o -

9:00 ng gabi sa Baryo Madilim. Waiting Shed pa'rin.

"T@ng ina mo Jessica!!! Ba't mo'ko iniwan!!! Di mo ba alam na mahal kita?!! Sobrang mahal kita!!! Mahal na mahal kita!!! Ang g@go ko!!! Langya!!!"

Humahagulgol si Colgate. Tahimik lang ang barkada. Walang chicks, walang tawanan, walang sarap. Sagot ni Colgate ang inuman, pero siya lang din ang lumaklak lahat.

"Ang tanga ko."

+ + +

Five Minutes to Midnight

October 8, 2008

Bago lang natapos ang whole day affair namin sa PE. Medyo cool sa simula kasi astig ang mga judges para sa mga activities namin. [Ehem. Sino na nga ba yun?]

Mapait ang kinalabasan ng competition pero hindi ko sasabihing mapait ang karanasang 'to. Siguro, gagamitin ko na lang na excuse ang katotohanang Physics major yung judge na taga La Salle at hindi PE. Pero salamat na rin sa mga nangyari, naalala ko ang sinabi ng teacher ko sa math nung high school - Life is a network of competitions. In every competition, you must do your best. If you win, it is your greatest glory, if you lose, nobody could blame you for not doing your best. Ewan kung tama ba yung pagkaka-alala ko, pero sa tingin ko, sapul ko naman ang message niya.

Ang totoo'y ang sama na ng pakiramdam ko. October 6 ng gabi, nag overnight practice kami, at talagang di ako natulog hanggang umaga. Di pa'ko nakabawi ng tulog ay nag overnight na naman kami kagabi. Two hours lang ang tulog ko kagabi kaya talagang matindi ang parusang binigay ko sa mga mata ko sa pagtatype ng post na to. Maanghang pa ang mga mata ko, pero di ko kayang palampasin ang araw na to na di naikukwento ang pagkatalo namin. Strike while the iron is hot ang motto ko sa pagsulat nito, at di ko hihintaying maging matabang na alaala na lamang ang araw na 'to. Siguro, ang pinaka hahanap-hanapin ko sa mga practice ay ang nabuong pagsasamahan at pagkakaintindihan. Medyo suplado ako at malamig sa pakikitungo ko sa kanila, pero ngayon, habang iniisip ko ang dalawang gabing nakasama ko sila, may di maipaliwanag na lungkot akong nararamdaman na para bang sinasabing may magandang relasyon kaming nabuo. Ang nakakainis na amoy ng sigarilyo nila, ang ingay nila, ang mga jokes nilang di ko masakyan, ang sahig na lumagkit dahil sa mga pawis nilang tulo ng tulo, ang nakaka-badtrip nilang pakikialam, ang napakaginaw na gabi, ang pagod, ang malilibog na bakla... nakaka-pikon na mga alaala pero ewan ba't parang gusto ko sila balikan, kahit minsan lang, para magpaalam.

First time kong mag perform sa harap ng ganun kadaming tao - well, di ako exposed, at lalong di ako mahilig iexpose ang sarili ko (nagkataon lang talagang dito nakasalalay ang grade ko para sa finals kaya napilitan akong sumali). Overwhelming ang presence nila nung una, pero madali ko lang nalabanan. Nung prinesent na namin ang aerobics na pinagpuyatan namin ng dalawang araw, biglang naglaho ang mga tao. Kelangan manalo. Kelangan ko ang flat one. Kelangan kong bigyang katuturan ang dalawang overnights at ang 45 pesos na nagastos ko para sa inupahang kwarto. Kelangang bigyan ng trophy ang dalawang gabing pinagsamahan namin - at ang tanging trophy na naisip kong pwede iregalo dito ay ang pagkapanalo dito; ang picture namin na nakangiti dahil sa matamis naming pagkapanalo. Narinig kong humiyaw ang audience sa ginawa naming pagpapa-ulan ng glitters sa buong lugar - ideyang tanging kami lang ang nakaisip. Napakaganda ng exercise namin. Never been this good, naisip ko. Sabay talaga, at ang hiyawan ng mga audience ang ebidensyang hindi boring ang presentation namin.

Nagsimulang nasira ang loob namin nung biglang maputol ang music sa kalagitnaan ng exercise. Langya, parang sinabotahe kami. Pinagpatuloy namin ang exercise, pero bigla akong dinalaw ng di maintindihang kaba at pagkatakot. Ginala ng mga puyat kong mata ang gym. Nakatingin ang mga tao. Anong iniisip nila? Pambihirang buhay. Pinagtatawanan kaya nila kami dahil sumasayaw kami kahit walang tugtog? Mayamaya'y, nahuli ng tingin ko ang leader namin - nabakas ko sa kanya ang kaba't takot na nararamdaman ko. Nanginginig pa ang tuhod ko ng mga panahong iyon - puyat, pagod sa dalawang overnight practice, almusal na parang snack lang, at tiyang hindi pa nalalagyan ng laman sa oras na 2:30 - ouch. Di ko na ata kaya. Gusto ko nang umiyak ng mga panahong iyon, pero naisip kong bata lang ang umiiyak sa ganoong sitwasyon. Patuloy kaming nag-march nang biglang isa-isang nag-alisan ang mga kagrupo ko. Dahan-dahang nabakante ang stage. Parang gusto kong sabihing "pare 'wag muna! Kaya pa 'to!" pero di ko nagawa. Tumigil sa paggalaw ang mga binti ko. Napansin ko ang matindi kong pag-hingal. Malabo ang mga sumunod na eksena, at nahimasmasan lang ako nung nandun na kami sa mga upuan namin. Basa kami sa pawis, marami ang nagmumura, marami ang nagrereklamo, at makikita talaga ang panghininayang sa mga mukha. Langya, nawalan ng kwenta lahat ng pinaghirapan namin.

Dumating ang oras ng awarding, at dun ko lubos na nalasap ang pait ng aming pagkatalo; ang pagkabasura ng aming mga pawis, lakas, at pagsisikap; ang pakiramdam ng isang talunan. Masakit, pero masarap. Naalala ko ang winika ng teacher ko dati. Narealize kong masakit man ay di naman pala siya kasumpa-sumpa. First time kong magpawis ng ganun, magpagod ng ganun, magpuyat ng ganun, at magsikap ng ganun. Tama si teacher - mas maganda ang matalo ng lumalaban. Talo nga, pero parang panalo na rin. Kung natulog lang kami ng mahimbing sa nagdaang dalawang araw, hindi magiging ganito kaganda ang pakiramdam ng pagkatalo. Talo nga sa laban, pero sa preparation pa lang ng laban, satisfied na'ko.

Masakit na mga mata ko. Kanina ko pa gusto bumagsak at macomatose para makapagpahinga ng todo-todo.



Requiescat In Pace!

BWAHAHAHA!!!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
P.S.

bago ko makalimutan...kahit busy ako ngayong araw na 'to, di ko nakalimutan ang aking supporter na di ako kailanman iniwan...di dapat balewalain ang mga simpleng "good luck", "God bless", at "galingan mo" they mean a lot=]

Bookworm Adventures

Mabilis na nilamon ng apoy ang marupok na tahanan nina Honey at Bookworm. Napagod na sa pagsigaw ang dalawa. Alam nilang wala nang pag-asang natitira. Umiiyak si Honey sa dibdib ni Bookworm. Mahigpit ang kanyang yakap. Pinipigilan ni Bookworm ang kanyang takot na nararamdaman. Umuungol ang mabangis na apoy habang dahan-dahang gumagapang papunta sa munting sulok na kanilang kinaroroonan. Dama ni Bookworm ang panginginig ni Honey. Ang pait ng mga luha ng dalaga ay tila lason sa kaluluwa ng nagluluksang binata. Masyado pang maikli ang naisulat nilang kwento ng pag-ibig. Mainit na ang paligid. Pawis na pawis na ang dalawa at halos hindi na makahinga si Bookworm. Nalulunod ang kanyang puso sa mga hagulgol ng minamahal. Ang bawat pagtibok ng kanyang puso ay tila mailap na hayop na pilit niyang hinahabol. Nauupos na ang kanilang panahon. Nakikita ni Bookworm ang kanilang mga pangarap na dahan-dahang sumasabay sa mga abong lumulutang papunta sa kawalan. Biglang bumagal ang takbo ng panahon sa kanilang mga huling minuto. Tila nabubulag na ng liwanag si Bookworm. Mabagal na ang takbo ng kanyang isip. Ang kanyang diwa ay tila kumawala na sa kanyang katawan.

Tila wala nang buhay si Honey. Manhid na ang binti niya sa sakit. Hindi niya na alintana ang kirot ng pilay na nagkulong sa kanya sa loob ng gusali. Maari pang tumakas si Bookworm, subalit hindi na niya makakaya pang ilabas ang kasintahan sa impyernong kinalalagyan nila. Hindi na makakawala pa si Honey sa pagkakaipit. Sapat na dahilan na ito upang hindi narin naisin ni Bookworm na makatakas.

- o 0 o -

Hindi napansin ni Bookworm na mabilis na pala ang pagpatak ng kanyang mga luha. Tuluyan na siyang sumuko sa kanyang takot. Ni katiting na pag-asa ay hindi na maaninag sa mata ng dalawa. Nais ni Bookworm na tulungan ang kanyang minamahal. Kung sana'y pwede niyang angkinin lahat ng sakit at takot na nararamdaman ng dalaga. Gusto niyang tulungan si Honey subalit wala siyang magawa. Napakasakit na katotohanan. Hindi niya kayang iligtas ang minamahal, at ang kahinaang ito'y sapat na upang isumpa niya ang sarili.

- o 0 o -

Hindi ito ang pinangarap nilang kwento. Nais pa nilang tumandang magkasama; maglakbay sa malalayong mga lugar; makipaglaro sa kanilang mga supling, at sabay na bantayan ang paglaki ng mga ito. Lahat ng salitang ibig nilang sabihin sa isa't-isa ay nasabi na nila. Kasabay ng pagguho ng kanilang tahanan ang pagguho ng kanilang mga binuong pangarap dito. Dahan-dahang bumagsak ang bubong. Ni konti ay hindi nilabanan ng dalawa ang halimaw. Handa na sila. Sa huling pagkakataon ay inipon ni Bookworm ang lahat ng kanyang natitirang lakas para yakapin si Honey. Paalam!

- o 0 o -

May tunog na biglang sumabog mula sa kung saan. Tunog ng kalayaan? Ewan. Tunog ng kaligtasan? Hindi nila alam. Nagising na lang si Bookworm sa loob ng ospital - ang mga puting dingding, tila langit sa paningin niya; ang tinig ng kaibigan niyang nagbabantay sa kanya, mala-anghel.

"Nasa kabilang kwarto si Honey."

Walang mapagsidlan ng galak si Bookworm. Huminga siya ng malalim. Noong bata pa siya'y, ayaw na ayaw niya ang amoy ng ospital, pero ngayon, wala itong kasing tamis para sa kanya. Kumikirot ang katawan niya, pero maligaya niyang nilasap ang bawat kirot. Nakakadama pa siya. Buhay pa siya.

- o 0 o -

Limang taon na ang nakalipas mula nang mangyari ang masalimuot na sunog. Mula sa malayo ay maririnig ang malakas na tawanan nila Honey at Bookworm. Masaya nilang inaalagaan ang kanilang mabait at makulit na anak. Bakas parin sa katawan nina Bookworm at Honey ang mga peklat ng mapait nilang karanasan, ngunit patuloy na inaawit ng mga ito ang matamis na kwento ng kanilang pagmamahalan...

* * * * * * *

when theres's no one beside you

i'll be there to guide you...

catch you each time you fall....

when the stars won't shine anymore

i'll be there...

- ♥ -

Proyekto sa Filipino

Sumasayaw sa hangin, di maipinta ang galak,
Dalawang paru-parong paraiso ang hanap,
Nalalasing, nalalason ng taglay na halimuyak
Ng mabango’t makulay na tahanang bulaklak.

Ang manunula’y pipi, ang pintor ay bulag,
Mga larawang di maguhit, kaligayahang ganap,
Mga pakpak na tamis ang tanging hangad,
Nasaan ang langit? Nasaan ang pagkawasak?

Masaya ang sayaw, mabango ang halimuyak,
Maliwanag ang araw sa daang tinatahak,
Ang bulklak ay makulay, ang lason ay masarap,
Yakapin ang araw, isangla ang hinaharap!


* * *

8th month!
cheers=]